waiting

At jfk, waiting for my flight out. Still feels surreal, in 24 hours i will be in mysore.

International terminal at jfk is much nicer than the domestic ones.

Looking forward to being in mysore instead of anxious about being there, or traveling, or a million other things. I keep wanting to call my dad, and tell him about packing
Or my plans there, or comparing routes to the airport, or whatever, and then i remember. Makes me so sad inside..hard to breathe at times, it hurts so much. It's interesting, in one way, since i really sucked at keeping in touch while he was alive. I wonder if this is one of the thongs that mysore will transform in some way.

I do love airports.

t minus 10 days

No, i am not really counting down the days til i leave. Though perhaps a countdown would be appropriate, since it is a bit like blasting off into the unknown. I can't believe that in 10 days i will be going to mysore. I keep feeling like it is off in the distant future,  but that isn't the case anymore. I know I'm supposed to be excited, but i feel more that i am accepting that i am going rather than looking forward to it. Although i am very much looking forward to 5 weeks  of not working. I guess i picked a pretty extreme trip for my first trip abroad on my own. I never was good with planning, or travel. It's been quite some time since i have been on a plane...and the thought of crossing an ocean is still a bit unnerving.

For most of the fall, it seemed like everyone i told was more excited for me than i was. I was terrified, but i felt so strongly that i had to go at least once. And that is what pushed me to do this. I'm sure i will find it funny at some point that i was sooo nervous, but not yet. I have been going for acupuncture to help deal with all my anxiety, about the trip and about the state of my daily life these days. That has been really helpful for me.

My dislike of change off the mat is the same as on the mat. this fall i also started second series, which initially felt like...be careful what you wish for. Just adding one (yes one) pose utterly exhausted me. It's a bit better now, but i am not wishing for more anytime soon.

So far my preparations for the trip have mostly been to cook a lot of indian food. Since i decided to go a few things worked out quite nicely-a messy tax situation worked out in my favor, and my stepmom was super supportive of my going, which pretty much shocked me. I have been carrying around the card she sent as a good luck charm.

I have also been taking a lot of walks
to relax and to take in the city in the fall

Central park on Friday.  So beautiful but also sad when the leaves fall.